Quote the Raven nevermore

I remember that day so well and vividly the day everything just took a turn the day that made me what I am today for better or for worse.

Music and my family have had a big influence on my life some more then others because I think that every person when they were a kid had that one certain family member they looked up to for everything.

People say that we are not suppose to pick favourites that they are all family and deserve equal love and attention.

But wether we like it or not we pick favourites even though sometimes we try our hardest not to do so.

My favourite i guess to admit it would be my father even though he was never around I loved my father and he was a major influence on me.

But that day with my father was not a happy one I remember it my father was dead and it was his funeral day every bad feeling you could feel I felt that day.

The past few days had been dark I was constatly in pain I use to stay in my room I use to blast my music as loud as I could until I got yelled at and I was in pain so I started to yell back.

The Funeral were filled with people I love, people I never met before in my life, and people I just flat out hated and I wanted to strangle and start beating the living hell out of them. (namely my stepmother and her family that hated mine.)

Even though my mother was not married to him anymore I saw the pain and sorrow in her the same pain in her eyes when Dad left us.

We all knew this time he was not coming back that the body was just the shell of my father the man who was so full of life who taught me alot despite his flaws and mistakes.

He was gone I stayed with him til they shut his coffin for good my stepbrother came up to me hugged me and I just wanted to start throwing punches.

But I was all out of energy my eyes were dry and hot from all the tears I cried I couldn't cry anymore or do anything.

 I felt like I became numb all over that pain had just wiped out and closed everything else just pain, rage, maybe even hate.

I let my father go and I let my step family go I felt like they deserved punishment for all the time they stole my father from me.

I come to regert it later, but maybe it was the right thing to let them go maybe it wasn't but I look back now and wished that I could have taken my revenge against them right then and there because I never got another chance. (But thats another Blog for another time entirely.)