Quote the Raven nevermore

I remember that day so well and vividly the day everything just took a turn the day that made me what I am today for better or for worse.

Music and my family have had a big influence on my life some more then others because I think that every person when they were a kid had that one certain family member they looked up to for everything.

People say that we are not suppose to pick favourites that they are all family and deserve equal love and attention.

But wether we like it or not we pick favourites even though sometimes we try our hardest not to do so.

My favourite i guess to admit it would be my father even though he was never around I loved my father and he was a major influence on me.

But that day with my father was not a happy one I remember it my father was dead and it was his funeral day every bad feeling you could feel I felt that day.

The past few days had been dark I was constatly in pain I use to stay in my room I use to blast my music as loud as I could until I got yelled at and I was in pain so I started to yell back.

The Funeral were filled with people I love, people I never met before in my life, and people I just flat out hated and I wanted to strangle and start beating the living hell out of them. (namely my stepmother and her family that hated mine.)

Even though my mother was not married to him anymore I saw the pain and sorrow in her the same pain in her eyes when Dad left us.

We all knew this time he was not coming back that the body was just the shell of my father the man who was so full of life who taught me alot despite his flaws and mistakes.

He was gone I stayed with him til they shut his coffin for good my stepbrother came up to me hugged me and I just wanted to start throwing punches.

But I was all out of energy my eyes were dry and hot from all the tears I cried I couldn't cry anymore or do anything.

 I felt like I became numb all over that pain had just wiped out and closed everything else just pain, rage, maybe even hate.

I let my father go and I let my step family go I felt like they deserved punishment for all the time they stole my father from me.

I come to regert it later, but maybe it was the right thing to let them go maybe it wasn't but I look back now and wished that I could have taken my revenge against them right then and there because I never got another chance. (But thats another Blog for another time entirely.)

War is Over

When I was nine or maybe it was ten years old my dad bought me my first rock and roll CD's.

(My parents were divorced so he could buy the CD's and my Jesus freak for a mother couldn't say shit but

that's another story for another time.)

It was Christmas I believe it was and dads side of the family gathered at his house for a Christmas

dinner and exchanging gifts.

I was of course back in my room with my CD's player listening to one of dad's old Ozzy CD's because

he was like my rock and roll idol to me as a kid he was god.

Dad had to drag me out of my room over there to come talk to everyone I hugged everyone except me

and my cousin use to wrestle with each other when we were younger.

Anyway how it worked that one person would pick a present randomly and each had a name on it

everyone would pitch in to try and work the present around to that person and wait for them to open it

to see what they got before moving onto the next one.

Anyway as it got to my turn there was a very small square packet and I didn't really think of what it

was at first but it was a thick square so I slowly opened it.

What was in it was something i'll never forget it was a dual pack album with two CD's of the Beatles

inside and my eyes like brighted up. (Even though Ozzy was like God the beatles were like Jesus

to me.)

I looked around to try and see who got it for me I didn't know at the time but it was my dad and I

had this cute like well a kid on chirstmas look.

I looked at him and I put all my weight on him tackling him sayin thanks dad he laughed and hugged

said your welcome son.

After that I ran in my room to get my CD player and I ripped the plastic off forgetting completely

about my other presents and put the CD into the CD player.

I started singing Rock and Roll music, Hard days night, and HELP all around the house they could not

get me to be quiet although I paied somewhat attention to what others were getting.

Anyway thats when I got my first CD's was Christmas and I thought I was the luckiest kid in the world

so while others played with there poke'mon I was listening and singing to the Beatles.

The Devil's Music

Well at a young age I came to listen to rock and roll the first artist I ever heard was Marilyn Manson and

 thought rock was the greatest thing in the world.

Unfortunately my mom did not think the same when she came home from work she asked me how my day

 was and what did I do I said I had a good day and that I hung out with Starla in her room.

She then asked what did I do with Starla in her room and I told her I listened to Marilyn Manson.

Well the smile faded from her face and she went into my sisters room and ransacked the room until she found it.

She then told me that Marilyn Manson was very bad and that I souldn't be listening to it and niether sould Starla.

I begged and pleaded with her not to punish Starla because I didn't want her to get in trouble because I didn't know that it was bad.

But when we went to church one sunday I couldn't see how rock and roll could be bad then the pastor when

 he use to sweat when he preached use to say rock and roll was the devils music and of course I was young

didn't understand and was afarid of going to hell.

So afarid of going to hell I trusted mom and the preacher and didn't listen to it anymore but I never could

quite understand why they believed rock and roll was the devils music because it just sounded too awesome

to be true.

I didn't get a chance to listen to it again until my dad decided to come back in my life which was so long ago 

I don't really remember how old I was.

But dad started to itroduce me to new stuff and because he was my dad I trusted him that we wouldn't go to

hell for listening to rock and roll he introduced me to the beatles I got beatlemania and all kinds of new rock

and roll.

(It was new to me anyway this was actually old classic stuff that I am talking about.)

I didn't tell mom about it for the longest time but after awhile but she knew she couldn't do anything she tried

to tell me it was wrong and I nodded my head to keep my mom happy but then I said the exact opposite to

dad becuase I beileved him that it wasn't the devil's music I couldn't possibly go to hell for listening to

something that just was so awesome and thats when music became my life.